Thursday, February 08, 2001

Got a little angry yesterday/my car was broken into/my ashtray filled with change/was stolen/first response was why my ashtray/maybe they were in a hurry/couldn't take the radio/maybe they knew I had money stashed there/now there's a gaping hole/reminding me that someone invaded my space/took my gf to dinner/we had argument about it/I was pretty angry driving to the place/I was ranting/angry/felt violated again/frustrated/then said that I hope that beer was tasty/I hope that fucking homeless bum drunk enjoyed his 2 bucks in change/my gf/who is the fairest/even tempered/principled person I know/called me on what I said/told me that I cannot assume this person was homeless/drunk/bum/male/I stereotyped this person/who stole/told her that in our neighborhood/ homeless men walk our street everyday/homeless shelter 5 block away/saw somebody piss in our parking lot a month ago/odds are that this person was what I said they were/at dinner/she told me that my statements were classist/didn't make sense to her/how can I say those things/I'm no better than those republicans who/jail first ask questions later/what's the person's circumstances/why did this person steal/what are the systemic oppressions that he or she faced/told her I don't care/they didn't care about me/didn't know what my circumstances are/I was still angry/I worked hard for that measly change/go to work everyday and deal with bullshit/deal with the small humiliations of life/did they know that this was the 4th time someone broke in/did they know how shitty I felt when I came home/did they know that this was going to cause an argument with my gf/on class/assumptions/biases/I felt that she didn't care about my feelings/of feeling violated/feeling hopeless/that we can't never feel safe/but she's right/we do live in relative comfort/have jobs/cars/digital cable/able to go to dinner/health insurance/have to luxury to discuss/our classism/biases/assumptions/so what do 2 dollars or so in change/matter/in light of the fact/that women's rights to control their bodies/is in jeopardy/that innocent people are executed/that people do not have homes/people with mental illness/do not have access to care/that people with alcoholism/drug addictions are put in jail/instead of treatment programs/that the selected president/wants more money for the rich/as more people are getting poorer/does that matter/in the scheme of things/how do I reconcile/my working class ethic/ working at a corporation/pay bills/keep food on the table/roof over head/buying things/and getting/angry at the system/that oppresses/because I'm female/of color/lesbian/oppress others because they are poor/homeless/mentally ill/will I ever reconcile the dichotomies/that I deal with everyday/I advocate for social justice/and yet get paid a corporate salary/struggling with capital punishment/yet believe that the legal system is corrupt/getting angry at this asshole who stole my stuff/and yet not placing assumptions/this is a reminder of the injustices of this society/on all different levels/personal/political/societal/cultural/the ones we experience and place on each other

Monday, February 05, 2001

quien soy?
31 year old/chicago born and bred but now a born again tejana chicana/psych grad student who wonders if theory will ever reflect my reality/witch in training/bitch for life/healthy contempt for authority/looking for utopia but will negociate /in a relationship with a wonderful woman who taught me that love indeed can save the world